You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice. — Bob Marley

Second trimester: “The honeymoon trimester” — when morning sickness fades, energy comes back, your bump starts to show, and strangers begin smiling at you. We certainly didn’t expect to begin our second trimester at our 12-week ultrasound learning that our baby boy had a 50/50 chance of making it to term, and that if he were to make it, there was a 80-90 percent chance he would have a moderate to severe health condition.

The four weeks that followed were the longest four weeks of my life. Brian and I grew more in our relationship in that month than we had in over three years of being together. We learned quickly that we dealt with fear and uncertainty in different ways, and that we could misinterpret each other’s coping strategies. Brian feared that my resolve to find hope and optimism prevented me from appreciating the potential that everything may not be OK, and left me vulnerable to heartbreak. Meanwhile, his willingness to talk about the possibility of losing our child triggered my fear, and I felt that his way of trying to prepare for what we may learn was getting too far ahead of ourselves.

Throughout this emotional roller coaster, I would stop at the chapel down the street from our house every night on my way home from work. I prayed for a lot during these four weeks, and one of those prayers has most certainly been answered. I prayed for unity with Brian. We would eventually learn that our perspectives were much more aligned than we previously thought. Through grieving the loss of a “normal” pregnancy together, we have been able to lean on each other for support and to communicate effectively through some of life’s most difficult conversations. From then on, Brian stood by me at the chapel each night. I am incredibly grateful for our unity, as it has made the future look so much brighter for our baby boy.

The strength and clarity we were able to find individually and together allowed us to much more constructively process the news we would hear at our 16-week ultrasound.  We both agreed that during weeks 12-16 we felt like we had been equipped with the tools we needed to support each other moving forward.  In the meantime, we were comforted by the fact that Theo was and will continue to be in the safest place possible as I carry him through this pregnancy.