I was surprisingly calm when we heard at our 16-week ultrasound that Theo had a single ventricle defect. I felt like I had cried out all of my tears during the four weeks prior. Instead of feeling crushed or blindsided, Brian and I felt like we had finally received a bit of clarity.

We made a decision as we left that appointment – a difficult one but a decision that I think will help us tremendously through the balance of our pregnancy. We chose to look at the information we learned as a blessing, and we chose to express acceptance and gratitude instead of anger and resentment. Although we still had more information to learn from the cardiologists, we were one step closer to a full diagnosis and one step closer to a plan. We were not yet out of the woods but the uncertainty was largely behind us.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

It will make or break a company, a church, or a home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude that we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change the past, we cannot change the fact that people will react in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is plan on the one thing we have, and that is our attitude.

— Charles Swindoll

Brian and I agreed that we would learn as much as we could about single ventricle defect and connect with as many families as we could who have gone through similar experiences. Opening up was refreshing. We learned that essentially everyone knows someone who has experienced a complicated pregnancy in one way or another, and we’ve come to realize that many know parents who have a child with a congenital heart defect (CHD). We came to feel less alone, and having a child with a single ventricle defect became less frightening and insurmountable.

I joined several Facebook groups during my first trimester – “First-Time Pregnancy” and “Mothers Due April 2016”. Once we learned that Theo was dealing with a heart defect, there was of course a shift in our focus. I’m now a member of seemingly every possible CHD group on Facebook, including the Rochester chapter of “Mended Little Hearts”. The conversations went from, “How is your morning sickness?” to “How many open heart surgeries has your child had so far?” It’s not where I thought I would be, but I continue to remind myself that this is our path – this is the pregnancy we have been given and there is no doubt in my mind that we are up to the task. There is a larger plan and all we can do is ask questions, learn, connect and be incredibly grateful that we still have our baby boy.

I’ve had several long conversations with mothers of thriving children with similar heart defects. None of them sugarcoat the difficulty of the first couple of years, or the NICU time or the necessary surgeries. But they are so proud to share pictures of their healthy little ones after it all, and the joy on their children’s faces makes it all worth it.